THE VATICAN -- Before being rushed to the hospital, Pope John Paul II didn't think he was going to make it through the night and, upsetting centuries of Papal tradition, named his own successor. The 84-year-old leader of the Catholic Church was having trouble breathing and could barely whisper the name of the next Pope to those gathered around him.
In Marin County, California a special delegation of Papal representatives knocked on the door of one of the most faithful of the Catholic Church. Just as the sun was rising this morning, a sleepy Father Guido Sarducci came to the door and learned of the wonderful news. "I can not-a believa theese ting! Are you-a sure he called on me? This is just-a so outrageous! My life has-a been without-a meaning since I failed to get on-a that California recall ballot. But this-a Pope thing sounds like even-a better job-a."
Father Guido Sarducci became well known to TV viewers during the 1970's on Satuday Night Live. The zany, flamboyant priest made many appearances on SNL, as well as Married With Children and the Garry Shandling Show.
Father Sarducci went on to say, "I know-a I offend many higher ups in-a the Catholic Church, but at-a least I never molested any young-a boys like all those other priests."
Spoof reporter Morgan Truce asked the Pope-to-be, "Why do you think Pope John Paul II called on you to be the next Pope?"
"Well, I-a tell you the man was not in-a his right mind. He was already playing with those-a pigeons every day-a, and that's-a not a good sign for a Pope."
"I'm gonna send His Holiness a post-a card to thank-a him for a-choosing me to be the next-a Pope and to let-a him a-know that I will feed his damn-a pigeons after he's a-dead."