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Thursday, 8 April 2010

image for Obama and Czar Putin sign Historic Arms Reduction Treaty in Prague

President Obama and Russian Czar Putin agreed to reduce their stockpiles of nuclear weapons to 1500 thus assuring the world it can only be destroyed 50 times as opposed to the previous 100.

Putin posed shirtless for the signing though wearing his Medvedev make up and mask as Obama finally did something to earn his Nobel Peace prize.

Russia immediately announced it would use the enriched uranium from the decommissioning to fuel three more low carbon producing reactor plants while Obama announced he would keep Sarah Palin's 'drill baby drill' campaign pledge and start pumping for oil off of Florida's pristine beaches.

In addition to the reduction in available planet killers the two powers agreed that a new response strategy was needed. The greatest concern has been a false alarm where some nine year old hacks into either of the super power's arsenal and faux launches missiles thus creating doomsday. The key point in the new strategy is to delay response in order to verify that an attack is underway prior to launching a counter attack. Using existing technology both countries will now deploy the 'Automated Operator System' where the leader of the country will use the 'red phone' and call the alleged attacker, listen for the appropriate language, press a key for the specific reason for calling, be placed on hold a minimum of twenty minutes while listening to elevator music and then prompted to press 'o' to speak to a real person.

France commented that it approves whole heartily with the new proposals and has been told it can keep both of their nuclear missiles but weren't sure if they still worked. Iran responded to the news and claimed it will bomb Israel to the point of obliteration because that is what they say no matter what the news is. China did not respond at all and Great Britain is currently examining the possibility of placing even tougher response action by hiring Metin Senturk, the world's fastest blind man, to man the 'red phone' once they find it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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