Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 5 April 2010

image for Cheryl Cole's Whirlwind La Paz Visit Ends In Tears
Crack Open A Bottle Of Merlot Lapptuatt - We've Done The Bugger!

Taking advantage of a well earned day off from her exertions with Dancing Derek Hough, X-Factor judge and chart topping solo artiste Cheryl Cole today embarked on a whirlwind trip to the Bolivian capital, La Paz, in order to consult with her long time mentor and close personal friend, Bolivian revolutionary, Colonel Juan.

But he was out.

Cheryl Cole was informed that the elusive Colonel was off on an expedition to scale the 12,000 metre Monte Venusio deep in the Bolivian hinterland, when she knocked on the front door of his modest 86 room house in the city's exclusive Calle Dels Campiones Nacional.

A housekeeper who bore a remarkable resemblance to a young Sophia Loren explained to Cheryl Cole that the Colonel was probably making a summit attempt as they spoke, and that he shouldn't be disturbed as he would probably be dangling somewhere over an 8000 foot sheer drop, hanging on to a rope with his teeth, supported only by his faithful Sherpa, Lapptuatt.

Cheryl Cole explained that she only wanted to speak to the Colonel on a personal matter, involving advice and guidance on how to navigate her way through the break-up of her marriage and the rumours surrounding herself and Dancing Derek Hough.

She described the Colonel as her 'Rock' (at which point the housekeeper rolled her eyes) and said that he had been with her through thick and thin and many other cliches.

But as he was out risking life, limb, and sanity climbing Monte Venusio, Cheryl Cole decided to leave. Right away. The housekeeper laughed her head off as Cheryl Cole left a single blood red rose for the Colonel to remember her by, pointed at Cheryl, and mocked (in Spanish) - "Look! The soppy English bitch is crying!"

*Reports filtering in tell us that the Colonel summited the mountain at 01:03am today GMT, amid concerns that supplies of oxygen and bottled Merlot are running dangerously low.

More as we get it.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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