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Sunday, 4 April 2010

image for Jersey Shore Scandal: Springsteen Caught Doing Pushups Over Gym Partner! Can You Name THAT Tune?
Springsteen Poster from 1967: Redhead Claims He Looks the Same but Different Now!

More notoriety for the stomp and grope group known to inhabit the New Jersey shore as Rocker Bruce Springsteen is named as correspondent in a fiery divorce suit by jilted husband.

A 45 year old redheaded mother of two was said to have become smitten with the married 60 year old 'kid' from Asbury Park after they met in an Ocean County gym. Springsteen verbally admired "the finest ass in the gym' while crooning "Red Headed Woman' as she worked on her glutes and flexed her abs.

Insiders say the relationship grew with Bruce sending her gifts, asking her out for coffee, sending her cards at home, and eventually succeeding in wooing her into his bed while her husband was out of town undergoing heart surgery!

The woman's husband, last name being Kelly, not an uncommon name in Ocean County, filed for divorce, and blamed Springsteen for breaking up his marriage.

Mr. Kelly, his first name removed from the petition in order to protect his remaining dignity, was a successful financial consultant, and earned in excess of $500,000 per year, but was only moderately successful as a local favorite at the Allenhurst Pool Club annual Karaoke contest, which he won 5 successive years.

According to Mr. Kelly, things started to go south in his marriage when he lost his voice after he had his tonsils out at the age of 45.

He told the Judge in the case, " I used to be pretty good and had a great routine."

Depositions taken at the pre trial disclosure indicated that Mr. Kelly did more than acceptable imitations of Mose Allison, Louis Prima and Lightnin' Hopkins.

Former classmates of Kelly at the Oakhurst Grammar School remember his performances even as a kid, and followed his amateur career with interest.

A write up in a local paper after Kelly won the Karaoke award for the 5th time praised his rendition of 'Popsicle Toes' an Allison standard, the now ironic tune "Baby, Please Don't Go" followed by "Shotgun Blues" by Hopkins, and the rousing Louie Prima rendition of "Just a Gigolo."

At the time of the divorce, Kelly cited some of Springsteen's hits, "I'm on Fire," "Ramrod', the now infamous "Redheaded Woman", and incidentally his duet with Bonnie Raitt, " A Hard Man is Good to Find" as cause for the alienation of affection suit.

A dejected Kelly was said to have muttered, " How can someone compete with that...it just isn't fair, I can't afford to hire a backup band, I won't pierce my ears, and my ass doesn't really look that great in tight jeans."

Meanwhile, despite a tight economy, there is a waiting list down at the gym, as hordes of female fans, most past 40, queue up for an opportunity to say "I work out with Bruce!"

A spokesman for Springsteen says he still loves his wife and doesn't anticipate entering sex rehab, especially because of the long waiting list at most clinics.

Music outlets say there is a surge of interest in an old Springsteen standard,
"I'm in a Fix" which is climbing the charts once again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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