Written by DeeDee
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Topics: France, Paris

Friday, 10 December 2004

image for Quel Surprise! France announces a complete ban of sexist and homophobic comments.
President Chirac addresses his fellow Frenchmen.

Paris, France - In an extraordinary turn of events, France's National Assembly, not content with making sexist and homophobic remarks illegal, has now banned the use of stereotypes as well.

Following an intense and, at times, heated debate over the issue, the beady-eyed, bandy-legged frog, otherwise known as President Chirac, announced that this new law will come into effect as soon as the New Year, and said "zis is an excellent way of getting back at those pompous Limeys… I mean…Brits, who are forever calling us frogs. I mean, zis nickname was funny at first, but once ze joke wore off, it became insulting. I am called a frog all ze time, and do I have beady eyes and bandy-legs?"

The draft of the bill hasn't yet been released to the public; however, it is believed this new law will ban national and international stereotypes from being used not only in the media, but also by ordinary, smelly-cheese eating French folk.

However, many have expressed outrage at this new bill, which some bicycle riding, garlic-eating frogs have labelled as an attack on their freedom of speech. Says a government insider, who was wearing a black and white striped shirt at the time " Zis is absolutely unbelievable! Zis law is a disgrace! Ze people of France deserve better than zis from ze president of ze United States of Europe!"

Unsurprisingly, many of France's European neighbours have welcomed the news. Frankfurter-eating German Chancellor Schroeder expressed his utter delight at the new law, explaining "Ve have alvays seen eye to eye vith the French, and so any decisions they make ve follow obediently!"

Yet, predictably, there were two politicians who deemed it necessary to disagree with any French stance that the Germans agree with. Prime Minister Tony Blair, a stiff upper-lipped Limey who uses far too many adverbs in one sentence, was quoted in one of the London tabloids as being "absolutely, positively, smashingly disgusted with the outcome…and what a bloody awful outcome it is too!"

President Bush, a Yank who can't even eat a pretzel without making an idiot of himself, also disagreed with the new law, saying, "This law is fundament-al-al-ly wrong. Chirac has been allowed to bully the nation of frogs for too long. And it's obvious that this dude has got way too many WMDs hidden in secret caves in his country. I feel it is our moral responsibility to ensure that the French are liberated. Therefore we propose a 24-hour time zone in which Chirac can stand down as President, or else the coalition will invade France, in order to make the world a safer place."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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