Written by Morse
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Friday, 15 January 2010

image for UK Spoof Writer Hard at Work Building Ark in Portsmouth for Oncoming Thaw!
"Bollocks" Taking Shape in Skoob's Back Yard...But Will It Float?

Contemplating a rising tide as recent record snow falls are soon to start melting, UK Spoofer Skoob1999 has sworn off Stella, and has devoted himself to building a life saving ARK in anticipation of the coming CATASTROPHE!

Local neighborhood yobs have been gathering at the back yard boat building enterprise, ridiculing the famous scribe, while quaffing the last remnants of Stella still remaining in the UK due to a labour strike in Belgium.

The strike is due to layoffs inspired by a 20% fall off in Stella sales since January 1, which just happens to coincide with Skoob's new mission of saving himself, the Mrs. and a collection of wabbits and stray cats certain to fill the ARK, which he has sentimentally named "Bollocks" after the famous Parrot that played a pivotal roll in the Spoof Saga transformed onto the big screen by Clinton Tarantino.

Skoob has rated the Tarantino Epoch, "Bloody Wonderful" innit? Loads of sword play, rape, plunder, pillaging and political correctness...just like life in the UK today!"

Helping Skoob, whose talents lend themselves more to interior decorating and kitchen layouts, is disgruntled Irish Handyman & Jack of all Trades, Fergus McCarthy. Mr. McCarthy, whose bent lies in perfecting the use of Ferro Cement in construction, built the forms for the hull of "Bollocks' and supervised the final pour around the skeletal frame.

The overall size of the life saving craft is said to be 72' feet long, 22' wide, with a draft of 12' and a gross tonnage of 39,000 pounds.

As the narrow 7' passage between Skoob's house, which consists of a victory garden and an ever growing wabbit hatch, won't allow passage of the completed ARK, he has been forced to apply to the city council to have a family of squatters evicted from next door in order to tear the house down in order for him to launch his creation. This action has caused Skoob to be subject to a criminal complaint of Racism, which he vehemently denies.

"The only other alternative," he said, " is to wait for the bloody water to rise and float me the Fook out of here!"

Mrs. Skoob is said to be fervently canning vegetables in order to feed the ever fornicating wabbits as the couple, and possibly Fergus, attempt to sail their way to Pattaya, Thailand, where they have been assured jobs as stringers and part time editors for the Pattaya Daily Enquirer, a paper not yet owned by Rupert Murdoch, and known for graphic pictures of dead foreigners who left this earth due to horrific homicidal and accidental occurrences.

Commenting on his conflict with his neighbours, and continued ridicule from onlookers Skoob was philosophical. " Let em laff now...when the bloody water gets up to their arse they'll be beggin me to come aboard...I'll have to beat them off with a boat hook....Sink or Swim...that's what I'll tell them deadbeats!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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