Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 9 January 2010

image for Religious Historians Learn That Bigfoot Is Actually Cain, Son of Adam
I don't know, but Bigfoot looks a lot like Oprah without any makeup

Religious historians researching in the Dead Sea Scrolls and other ancient writings have determined that the Bigfoot monster is none other than Cain, the son of Adam who slew his brother Abel. This evidence was found in scrolls discovered in Syria, Israel, and Turkey and in writings found on one of the pyramids in Egypt.

Rabbi Bennie Tuckerman of the scholarly team said that "these documents tell us that Cain was cursed to walk the earth forever because of his sin of killing his brother and making a pact with the devil. As he has aged, his hair has continued to grow and his complexion has become old and tough and leathery."

"People who have spotted Bigfoot cannot understand his language and think it is grunting, but it is the language of Adam, sometimes called the language of the Birds."

When asked how Cain would have managed to survive such events as the flood in the days of Noah, the Rabbi showed no confusion. "If God cursed him to live forever, then he provided a way for him to live. Maybe he had to tread water or make his own boat or was on the ark in a cage."

The Rabbi said that there is also only one Bigfoot as there is only one Cain.

Bigfoot could not be reached for comment and no spokesman for the monster could be found to verify these findings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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