It is now being reported that Prez O'bama, under water boarding pressure from Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, is switching stories on the recent "underwear bomber" case.
In a marked shift from all previous positions taken by the President, O'bama says he now "sees" a clear Al Qaida-Saddam Hussein connection to the attempted terror attack.
Still dripping wet and sporting a special pair of dark glasses exactly matching those worn by Hillary "Nuke 'Em" Clinton and Propaganda Minister Robert Gates, the President said "some of the new information we manufactured overnight supports this new, but repetitive line that more closely supports what the pro-Israeli lobby wants the US to do, and that Al-Quaida Penguins and Jokers will not prevail in their quest to cause Gotham's citizens any worry."
Purportedly, the Prez was "briefed" during a Double Red Alert conference call in the Bat Cave involving Dick and Don with disguised voices. According to Alfred, Joseph McCarthy shadows were seen emanating from the the phone lines, as Dick and Don said the evidence is in their brief cases, but can not be revealed due to National Security Policies.
However, Dick and Don said "in a good faith gesture, they would appear with the locked brief cases on Bill O'Reilly's T.V. show to assure the American people that they would never lie and are not faking any stories just to manipulate public opinion."
Hillary Clinton added "The government definitely has some bits and pieces of information, relevant to the suspect", and that "correlation, tabulation and manipulation is currently an ongoing process and will not end until new public opinion polls are in."
O'Bama, appearing tired and worn out, said there may come a time when he will have to take a "time out" and bring in a "substitute President", and the best substitute might just be someone with experience like George Bush.
With that statement, Bernard Madoff is reported to have thrown his name into the ring for substitute President, and apparently has initial support from Clinton, Gates, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Speaking from the Warden's Office at the Golden Boys Federal Prison Condo Complex, Bernard stated "I've got ten times the propaganda experience of any of those other dimwits" and "absolutely no one can sing a song like I can."
Al Sharpton bounded into the picture the picture with a splash seeking news conference of his own shortly after the Prez spoke and muttered "a black man such as myself should replace a black looking Prez, just so black folks won't be "blacked out" of White House."
Nearby, Collin Powell, a black military man with Al-Quaida propaganda experience and Presidential aspirations said he had been asked to conduct a television report on Yemen's Weapons of Mass Destruction, but had opted out because "It wouldn't make me President" and "I fooled all of the people some of the time already" and "only some of the people can now be fooled all of the time."