Written by george.t.mortimer
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Friday, 25 December 2009

Darth Benedict XVI was wrestled to the ground by a female member of the rebellion yesterday, who breached the security barriers at the start of this year's Xmas Eve Black Mass.

The 325-year-old ex-Nazi pontiff was caught on camera being dragged to the floor as he proceeded down the main aisle in St. Peter's Basilica.

The assailant, dressed in a red hooded tunic, was arrested by Storm Troopers and later described by Death Star spokesman Federico Lombardi as "apparently unbalanced".

He said she had tried - and failed - to carry out the same stunt 12 months earlier but escaped execution by getting an Aladdin Blue Flame droid to hack the controls of a blast door.

Mr. Lombardi played down the incident and said the Emperor showed "great self-control of the whole situation".

He went on: "It was an assault, but it wasn't dangerous because she wasn't armed and at any moment the Emperor could've electrocuted her with his fingertips."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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