Written by CamoDude
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Topics: Iraq, weapons

Friday, 27 August 2004

image for Radical Shiite Cleric, Muqtada al-Sadr, Lured Out Of Holy Mosque With Hamburgers And Milkshakes
Muqtada al-Sadr, pictured above placing his order for some Wendy's.

NAJAF, IRAQ-- It seemed like a peaceful handover Friday night here in Najaf, Iraq when suspected terrorist Muqtada al-Sadr unmanned the holy shrine he had held himself up in for weeks. The madman's chaos ended when he turned his weapons in for Wendy's. But, after those events a disturbing incident occured.

For the last two weeks al-Sadr and followers loyal to him have been staked out in the Imam Ali Mosque with numerous amounts of wepons holding off U.S. forces. Al-Sadr had been playing to the fact that the U.S. military would not harm the holy mosque fearing giving themselves a bad name if they did. With U.S. forces becoming more impatient daily, something had to be done.

Colonel Dean R. Prichard, leader of the ongoing operation, turned to a plan that he should have just tried in the begining. "Look at his fat ass," said Colonel Prichard referring to al-Sadr. "You know his lard butt is getting hungry in there." "He can only go so long without nourishment."

The frustrated Colonel then grabbed a nearby megaphone and started slinging out overweight and obese jokes and comments to the radical militant. "Come out, come out wherever you are fatty!" he yelled. "I got some food for you tubby, tubby!"

Inside the mosque, upon hearing the comments, a famished al-Sadr who hadn't eaten in days began to sweat profusely upon hearing about food. "We haven't ate in days," said the terrorist. "Aren't you guys hungry?" he asked the men loyal to him.

All of the militants wanted to go on fighting, but al-Sadr couldn't resist the calls of his growling stomach. He finally couldn't resist once he heard the Colonel say something about Wendy's.

Al-Sadr immediately ran to the window and said he'd like a number two with a coke, extra bacon, and make it Biggie Sized. He then threw in that he wanted a milkshake as well. He also said he wouldn't come out until the Soldiers could show proof of purchase by a receipt.

Since Iraq has been liberated, it has seen a steady flow of westernized food chains and retail outlets sweep the land. Wendy's has became a well know favorite ever since its birth in Iraq in July of 2003.

Finally, soldiers returned with the bag of food and was met by a belligerent al-Sadr, mowing over the soldiers and snatching the bag of food. He immediately set Indian style and began gorging.

However things turned ugly quick when al-Sadr learned that his purchase was not Biggie Sized. He immediatley grabbed a nearby weapon but was shot dead by alert troops before he could cause any damage.

And, for the others still inside of the shrine, they came out cooperatively without incident. These key events put an end to an already out of control situation hampering operation for the U.S. in Iraq.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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