Written by Nick Hobbs
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Thursday, 19 November 2009

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Why are pirates pirates? Because they Arrrr.

Somalian pirates received a jolly good pasting today, and one they were truly not expecting.

Eyewitnesses report that a small 8 man speed boat was despatched across the waves off the Somalian coast, to intercept a large commercial vessel carrying an undisclosed cargo.

As the pirates came alongside the freighter and raised their bamboo pole hooks in readiness for boarding, they got quite a shock.

"Seemingly from out of nowhere this huge sailing frigate appeared," says Zeigfred Butts, captain of the cargo ship Jessica Fletcher II. "It came along side and as it did so, I noticed the distinctive figurehead shaped like a huge black pig."

"Then several cannon shots exploded from the side of the frigate and the pirates speedboat was in splinters," Butts continued, "a shout rang out saying 'plundering porpoises' and then I saw this little fat chap with a skull and crossbones hat and a goatee beard looking out from the frigate."

Although this man appeared to be the captain of the ship, he seemed to take directions from a young cabin boy named Tom.

"As we thanked the crew for their rescue, we were told the captain was called Pugwash, seemed kind of familiar for some reason," said Leonard Figgs, first mate of the Fletcher II.

"With that the crew of the Black Pig, as we have named it, sailed off into the sunset," continued Captain Butts, "I can't thank them enough for their help, I hope they stick around and show those pirates a thing or too."

We hope so too, thanks to Captain Pugwash, a freighter and it's crew are free to sail another day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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