Written by Ulver
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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

image for MI5 probe dissident links to the "Fix" Factor
Vote Jedward !

The British Security Service is investigating hysterical reports on the interweb suggesting that Al Qaeda are responsible for the Jedward phenomenon.

The rumours started at the weekend after high-waisted c*ck muncher Simon Cowell blatantly rigged the contest by voting for vapid circumcision scraps Jedward over Welsh Warbler Lucie (with an E).

Cowell, 87, and a failed suicide producer whose previous work with Sinitta, Zig and Zag and Mrs Miggins and her Mongolian Vagina Singing Choir should have meant career death, is alleged to be linked to a cynical off shoot of Islamic Terror group Al Qaeda known as Al Fuckulot.

The rumours have been compounded by grainy footage of the world's most wanted man Osama Bin Laden watching Saturday's X Factor from his Bachelor Cave in Helmand province, and repeatedly phoning in votes for Jedward.

Whilst the Security Service were initially sceptical of the provenance of this footage, sources now indicate that Monday's statement by Sheikh Thetiltswitch of Al Fuckulot's press team wholeheartedly supporting Jedward and wishing them "All the best" is a verification of fundamentalist support for the aborted foetuses known as the Grimes Twins.

It is understood that MI5 are investigating claims that the Twins are in fact a plant by Al Qaeda to undermine the very fabric of British Society.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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