Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Pirates

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

image for Pirates capture lilo of the coast of Dover
A bad day for boat hire in Kent

A lilo has been spotted by the British Navy off the coast of Dover,UK in the search for a British couple thought to have been captured by pirates.

A spokesman said their warships were in "close vicinity' and radar range but were keeping their distance.

Bazza and Chazza Hand, aged 19 and 15, from Bridlington, North Yorkshire, sent a distress signal on Friday from the beach after running out of fags.

The government sighed it was doing everything possible to locate them.

If warships surround us, we shall deflate the lilo said the pirates.

Pirate quoted by Reuters news agency The British Navy said on Wednesday the lilo they were tracking was heading northwest towards the Bournemouth coast.

However, pirates have warned Britain not to try to rescue the couple.

A pirate called freedom for turks told the Reuters news agency: "If warships surround us, we shall point our cans of beer at the British tourists.

"They are old enough and we will take care of them - that is if we are not attacked," he said.

Earlier, the prime minister of Britain said, Netto's was sending a food parcel to keep them happy, said he had discussed the case with the UK foreign secretary David Siliband and had met the family of Mr and Mrs Hand.

'Fingers crossed'

Speaking in London, he told the BBC the government would eradicate video piracy by 2011 but by stop selling video machines.

"The pattern has been that they don't harm the captives, these pirates, because they want British wives with big breasts and lots of gold rings etc.

"But I want to assure the family that we will not rest until until we see the freedom of this couple."

Mr and Mrs Hand were heading on a 15 nautical-mile assage south-west to Deal where thas was fag shop in their lilo bought from Deal Sunday market when they used the lighter as a distress beacon.

A lilo similar to theirs has been spotted 2 miles from Dover.

The route would have taken the couple near Kent waters which are notorious for pirate attacks on dingies and smaller lilo.

A pirate told Reuters news agency they had captured the couple and they were healthy but ransom demands would follow.

The couple's family have expressed hope that the pair are safe.

Stephen Even, of Nickynockydo, Suffolk, who is the half brother of Mrs Hand, said the family were "keeping their fingers of the phone until the next vote on X factor as the are voting for John & Edward again".

"It may still be that they're sailing across the beach. We're not grossly over-worried at the moment."

Mr Hand's half sister, Jill Tedatthealter, 11, of Boredom, Alltheshire, said the couple were unlikely to have fags left for an hour and will be gagging for a fag.

"All their money is literally sunk in that Capri Ghia as far as I know," she said.

"They haven't got wealth, they are just an ordinary couple enjoying the dole, to do what they've always wanted to do."

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office said it still could not confirm whether pirates were involved.

Make Newston I am a problem's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 1?

5 4 3 2

Go to top ^