Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Ireland, church

Tuesday, 3 August 2004

Morninghead, Ireland - The Church of the Immediate Misdirection has adopted a new and highly successful change in their communion ritual, that has, in the words of Father Riley, "brought even heathens to the flock." He went on to say that he was praying for divine guidance as to how he might bring the townsfolk back to the "vessel of the Church," when a former church leader appeared to him in his room, with a wondrous idea.

"As sure as there is a morning, it was our dearly departed Father Martin, speaking to me from the grave, "Give them a bit of Stout," he said, "no Irishman in the country will be able to resist it, and you'll have souls in the seats, more than the doors can hold."

"He told me to replace the wine used in communion with Guinness Stout, and that I did. It was like a miracle, the parish was filled to the rafters, the crowd went into the isles and out to the stoop. The congregation has more than doubled and the collection plate as well. I had to add a second service just to accommodate them all. Some members were so filled with the gospel, that they attended both sessions. It is truly a miracle, just a miracle!"

"I have seen brethren, that have not attended services since their baptism, and here they are, the lot of them, partaking in the Lord's word." Father Riley then said that he has added a second communion per service, and a bit larger cup.

"The brother of Father Martin, a soul, long lost to the church, has regained his faith, and has become a member fully committed to the work of the Lord. He has volunteered to lead the women's auxiliary in Wednesday Bible study, at which I will also offer communion." (I was amazed at the uncanny resemblance of the dearly departed, Father Martin, and recently activated and very much alive brother. A shadow of suspicion was cast in my mind, regarding Father Riley's miraculous vision and revelation.)

One member of the parish wondered why it took them so long to change. "To serve wine in an Irish church, is almost uncivilized. Guinness is the manna of the people, God bless the Father for having thought of it." Another member said, "I like it too, but it gave me the shits somethin' terrible."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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