Written by Morse
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Topics: The Spoof

Sunday, 27 September 2009

image for "Nude Cruise to No Where" with World Famous Spoof Writers Now Sold Out!
Spoof Cruise Ship Held Up Waiting for Late Arrival of Monkey Woods!

Bristol,UK/ Shipping News & Bare Boat Charters - Saying that "Capitalism is not yet dead!', noted publisher Mark Lowton of the successful TheSpoof.Com, announced today that the "Nude Cruise to No Where' he put together honoring fans of the site had sold out within 15 minutes after appearing as 'pop up' ads on a "Man with the World's Biggest Penis" story.

Lowton said he came up with the idea after seeing the successful marketing of the 2010 Nude Spoofer Leap Year Calendar featuring several of the site's favorite writers. "I noted," he said, pausing momentarily to relief some gas, "that while there are only 12 months in the year, we allegedly have over 5,000 Spoof Writers enrolled as contributors. I felt by chartering a cruise ship, it would give some of the marginal members a chance to meet two or three of their readers, even if it was only their Mums."

"Meanwhile," he said, pausing again to flick a snot like gob of toasted cheese off the left corner of his drooping mustache, " all the calendar guys will be on board to meet and greet their fans, in THE FLESH where we have roped off deck 14 adjacent to the funnels, the dog kennels and the shuffleboard courts."

Lowton said he booked the aging Canard cruise ship "Anything Goes" since it was due to be scrapped in 2010 due to SOLAS regulations dealing with sea going safety regulations and as a known carrier of Swine Flu.

"The freaking skow is already falling apart, so we don't have to worry about cleaning up after ourselves, so it's going to be a riotous weekend of drinking and mating as we sail around the home island!"

Lowton said the cruise line has recreated the Oasis Bar and Pub, both versions, I & II, down to the most minute detail, and they will be open 24 hours a day serving 42 brands of beer on tap with the cost already included in the fare.

All writers within the top 50 will be on hand to autograph their most popular Spoof Stories, and will be posing with their fans to have pictures taken by the staff photographer.

Special arrangements have been made in case 'Mr. October', Jaggedone (JO) has fallen out of the top 50 and he will be given a special kiosk 'just under the bridge' to meet and greet his fans, who will be offered protection in case the temperamental writer is in one of 'his moods."

Of special note, Poets Frankie the J and Morse, will offer a nostalgic 'Poum" hour where they dramatically read several of their most memorable epoch poems commemorating the tragic loss of love and the embarrassing contraction of uncomfortable sexual diseases while pursuing 'international relations'.

Tapped as MC is the Spoof's own 'Mr. May', the inscrutable Skoob 1999. Your amiable host will be in charge of all pub games including 'Big Twat Trivia', 'Drink till you Sink', 'Futbol Madness', and the Victoria Beckham look a like contest.

Skoob also announced that musical entertainment will be provided by the 'Bonkettes' performing on an assortment of 'mouth instruments' to enable the passengers to interact with the performers, or just hum if they can't 'get it up!"

Sergeant of Arms Bargis Tryhol, and his agent, Buck E. Wheat, will provide security during the cruise, but the duo said enforcement would be lax unless "Frankie tries to throw someone under the boat."

The 'Anything Goes' carries 2500 passengers and a crew of 1300, not counting any EU 'campers' from France just waiting to pass through to the UK.

Lowton said the cruise line WOULD NOT be providing any foot baths, and reminded all passengers to please wash their feet before coming aboard.

Spoofer Able Rodriquez will be handling all bilingual announcements and will also be available in his persona as 'Mr. July' to sign copies of his now famous 'pulled pork" recipe, and also denying 'The Alamo' ever happened.

Esteemed Medical Practitioner Dr. Victor Nichols, and his equally famous nurse and 'cupcake', Madam Bitters will be attending to any and all self inflicted wounds, including 'the rubbing in' of anti-itch creme on overworked organs.

Dress code for the cruise will be 'clothing optional' except for formal night where gentlemen are expected to wear black socks...location also optional.

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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