Written by mamad
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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

image for Jihadi Comes Back From Death; Outlines Disappointment.
One of the Forty

When budding Jihadi Mohammed al Pointlessrage ben Easilyled heard and understood the call to Jihad, he found the truth of his life revealed.

Born into a seventh century culture in a barren desert, he was taught from birth that pleasure was unclean, women the work of the devil, and sexual temptation the path to hell. Little wonder that little Master ben Easilyled was drawn into radicalization, fueled by ignorance, jealousy of the western world's advancements, and, it must be admitted, the grinding poverty which made him unable to marry. In short, as an adolescent and young man, he was horny as hell and mad about it.

Jihad, he decided, was just the ticket. He could volunteer for the most prestigious and hazardous duty; he would become a human bomb. Certainly, the moment of explosion might be unpleasant but what is passing unpleasantness when compared to the ultimate reward...Forty virgins awaiting him in Heaven, his reward for his sacrifice that was shaping up to be really no sacrifice at all.

Dreams of houris floating in his head, Mr. ben Easilyled strapped on the bombs and drove to his destination. He pulled the lever and blew himself into Muslim Valhalla.

Softly he floated upwards. Happily he entered the gates. Around him he saw evidence of peace and plenty.

A man approached....could it be? Was it perhaps one sent from the Prophet? Ben Easilyled fell to his knees.

"Ben Easilyled," the shining vision entoned, "Behold your virgins. They are as all we offer for those who commit suicide to murder others."

At this point, ben Easilyled paused to collect himself before bravely continuing. "I looked at them," he sniffled, "And I saw. They were all male; I had the forty virgins I had been promised but they were all male."

Mr. ben Easilyleds dismay led him to make a complaint against the management which was ultimately rejected. However, in an effort to maintain customer loyalty, he was sent back to earth to dissuade other jihadis from failure by acting before reading the fine print.

Mr. ben Easilyled is currently active in the literacy movement in his corner of the world.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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