Former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein spends his time in solitary confinement writing poems, tending a garden, reading the Koran and eating American muffins and cookies, a British newspaper has reported.
Believing that the recently deposed dictator and mass murderer can still sway Iraqi product preferences, Girl Scout councils across the United States are falling over themselves chartering flights to Iraq in an effort to take orders. First on the tarmac at Baghdad International was Sharon Potter, age 12 from Hoffman Estates, Illinois who actually spoke with the former president. "I see this as the mother of all sales," said Potter, adding, "Mr. Hussein bought eight boxes of Thin Mints and eight boxes of Caramel deLites. And he said that some of his old friends live in the same place he does and they might be interested too!"
Her father, Jerry, who just began a new job as a financial analyst, believes that the Iraqi market for Girl Scout cookies is wide open. "They're only paying 5 cents per gallon for gasoline over here, so shelling out a few bucks for a box of shortbread cookies shouldn't be a big deal." "Back in the states" he went on, "some people have to choose between topping off the tank on some behemoth Ford Explorer or satisfying their sweet tooth."
Not everyone is happy about news of Saddam's cookie preferences being leaked to the media. Muhammed al Rushadan, a Jordanian lawyer retained by Saddam's family, sees the arrival of the Girl Scouts as yet another human rights violation clearly at odds with the Geneva Convention. "These little girls in their uniforms, they have found his prison --- even his cell --- despite assurances from the Bush administration that his location would not be divulged. Not even I know where he is sometimes, but they do. And we all know that once you buy one box of those things, they never give up!"
President Bush brushed aside these complaints as needless whining. "Hey listen, Saddam can do what all of us guys have learned to do." he said. "Just say, I'm sorry, Sajida (Hussein's wife) isn't here right now and she buys all the cookies'. Come back tomorrow."