Written by Mark Mywords
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Topics: Terrorism, al-Qaeda

Thursday, 10 September 2009

image for CIA Discover New Al Qaeda Plot
"Nice with a splash of Helmand's Mayonnaise"

The CIA have today confirmed that it has uncovered a new Al Qaeda plot in North London.

Operatives swooped in a raid just after dawn. One man was found at the location, holding something believed to be weighing several pounds, and saying he was going to 'blow it up'.

"This is the biggest plot we have discovered in some time," said Chuck Mudd, the 'head honcho' of the Cucumber Inspection Agency's 'Counter In Search Of Seed' Division, who located the plot behind 'Bet's Laundrette' in Tottenham. "It measures about 25 feet by 15, has been pretty comprehensively rotorvated, and at the time of the raid was being used for growing a variety of produce, including cherry tomatoes, several lettuces and, I might say, some of the biggest cucumbers we have ever come across."

Further damning evidence of gardening activity was found in the rickety shed, where a quantity of sticks were discovered. "Someone was going to make a nice rhubarb crumble out of those!" said a clearly delighted Chuck Mudd.

In a statement released in the past hour, Al Titch'Ma'harsh, head of Al Qaeda's elite 'Gardening Unit', confirmed that a member of its North London 'Salad Squad' had been detained. "We can tell you all that our intention was to blow the cucumbers up to the largest size ever seen on the UK mainland, using imported bullshit from a variety of sources, including 10 Downing Street."

He added "We want to show every infidel that we mean business; market gardening, to be precise. Have no fear. We have secret allotments all over southern England. Our intention is to produce shit-hot veg' at a very tidy price. We have struck a nice deal with package solutions specialists, 'Tali-Can' for the tinning and distribution."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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