Written by Morse
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Topics: Barack Obama

Sunday, 6 September 2009

image for San Andreas Fault Identified as 'crack in nation's ass' to Disappear from Earth Dec.21, 2012!
Weatherman Jim Cantori to Left Coast: SEE YA!

Los Angeles,Ca/ Doomsday News - In yet another apocalyptic scenario, the History Channel reported last night that the end is near for most of California and the nation's butt crack is doomed to slide off into the pacific.

Weather channel minister of doom, Jim Cantori, known by fans as "Dr. Death", narrated the special quoting historical documents from as far back as 20 A.D. prophesying the cataclysmic event.

Appearing in a full length Kevlar rain suit, and clinging to a swaying telephone pole while a horde of Venice, Ca. surfers engaged in 'riding a big tube' (oops), celebrated what Cantori said was their last days on earth.

"Sure, there may be a few dingleberries left clinging to their liberal flotsam, but for the most part the left ass cheek of the US will finally disappear into the annuls of history, along with the Mayans and other religious fanatics who made the mistake of praying to a false God!"

Reports of the catastrophe sent the stock market soaring. A Government spokesman said that with the loss of the entire left coast contingent, health care, the penal system, illegal immigrants and yes, the harvest mouse, would no longer be a drain on the entire continents economy.

Luckily for sports fans, the Oakland Raiders and San Francisco 49ers had moved their stadiums and conservative fan base to Boise, Idaho, and Iowa City, Iowa. Said Wack Job Raider's Owner Al Davis, "well, attendance is down out here in the sticks, but at least I have a team to fuck around with! That's more than Commissar Obama can say after losing his constituency!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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