San Francisco, CA-- The City by the Bay's landmark bridge is sporting a new name today. The Golden Gate Bridge was officially renamed the Ted Kennedy Memorial Bridge in a lunchtime ceremony today. San Francisco native and Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi rechristened the bridge for her friend and colleague, Ted Kennedy.
"Well, the bridge was never golden, there's no gate, and it was just begging for a name change." said Ms. Pelosi during the rechristening ceremony. Ms. Pelosi then broke a bottle of old Irish whiskey over a blondes head to make the name change official.
The Ted Kennedy Memorial Bridge will still look the same, except for some strange lane changes. Drivers will be able to swerve off the bridge into the bay anytime they feel like it. Drunk driving on the bridge is encouraged. No vehicular homicide charges will ever be filed. Intoxicated drivers will be able to experience the freedom of what it feels like to be a Kennedy.
Willowy blondes named Mary Jo are advised to avoid the bridge at all cost.