Written by Charlie Van Horn
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Topics: Death, Middle East

Saturday, 17 July 2004

image for Woman Put to Death For Incomplete Sentences in Middle East
Rebecca Thompson and son, Derrick, circa 1992

AMMAN, Jordan -- A Jordanian court ruling today in the western province of Faie Duniwei shocked some observers when the public address system shorted out and gave a tingly kick to an otherwise typical ruling in the middle-eastern nation.

Rebecca Thomson, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was convicted Saturday by the infamous "Grammar Police" of Amman. The dreaded para-military wing, known to Jordanians as "Amani Shayida Madupabettaone", strikes fear into the heart of those who fall under their grip.

"My heart definitely felt fear" said Eric Seahawk, a resident of Britain who escaped a conviction for 'Really Bad Metaphors', a crime whose punishment is the insertion of a stainless steel pin labeled 'Fear' into the chest. "Well, not really 'Fear' fear, per say, but I was awfully frightened. I felt just like a hot knife on cold concrete."

Thompson failed to complete her sentence, according to court documents, while she was in her kitchen preparing supper for her family.

Her husband, Mark, was killed when the 'Grammar Police' busted the door down to take her into custody. Son Derrick recalls the fateful evening.

"She had just gotten done almost describing to us something her co-worker had done to her cat, then she got distracted because her phone rang. I didn't think it was a big deal. You have to answer you cell phone. I think that might be a crime here, too."

United States envoy Stephen Kowls has pleaded for leniency in this case.

"We feel she is a United States citizen and we should be the one to deal with her, besides, we all have our faults, nobody is perfect, and while I'm on the topic, why is this 'Grammar Police' even around in the first place, because really, what on earth good they serve the people of Jordan or the world with their ability to stop fools from abusing language with bad punctuation and run on sentences. Silly, really."

Rebecca Thompson was executed two minutes after the court ruling was read. The judge in the case noted that even in her final moments, she attempted to break the law again.

"She said a rather blatant vulgarity then dangled a participle..." stated Judge Sheik En Sitakke Mil Shikakke, "Death was too good for her. Now about your envoy, a Mr. Kowls..."

JRdnmap

Jordon, the yellow country, is in a really nice neighborhood.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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