Written by Jaggedone
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Economy, Health, Tax, Smoking

Sunday, 9 August 2009

image for Fear for state pensions drive UK/US Governments to reverse smoking bans and encourages "SMOKE, SMOKE, SMOKE till you drop!"
"Tarred Lungs" Gordon "smoked" up to his wonky eyeballs delivering the new historical legislation, SMOKE,

After recent announcements pertaining to a future "black hole" in pension funds the US/UK have reversed their smoking bans in public places, encouraging the whole world to follow suit and SMOKE, SMOKE, SMOKE and more f*****g SMOKE TILL YOU DROP!

It's a common fact that people are living longer since smoking was banned and one of the most popular killers, lung cancer, is now killing less smoking morons!

The US/UK governments are rapidly pushing new legislation through their parliaments and hope that by encouraging smoking, lung cancer will increase, claiming millions of victims and reduce age expectation from an average of 78 now, back down to 65!

This new legislation has hit a positive note with NOSMO UK/US, a group of non-smoking radical activists, reasons:

If the government allocates 15% of pubs, bars, cafes, restaurants, etc, to non-smokers and allows those smoking morons to smoke everywhere else, no problem! Let them all f*****g die earlier then that will leave our future pensions secure, Hallelujah!! Smoke on Mother Fuckers!!!

ASH the pro-active smokers union also welcomed the new legislation and hope to smoke themselves to death with impunity anywhere and all over! End persecution, terminate feeling like lepers and die f*****g happily with a "ciggy" in their gobs and tarred up lungs!

Major "ciggy" producers, Marlborough and others, are licking their lips at the thought of free advertising once more.

A Marlborough spokesmen, with all guns smoking,announced gleefully:

"Our customers can enjoy complete freedom once more and we will reintroduce our cowboy adverts bringing them up to date depicting "GAY" cowboys smoking and shagging their balls off, thus killing two birds with one "Ciggy" encouraging lung cancer and HIV! Offering the US/UK governments a "double whammy in life expectancy reduction" Yeeaah and whip me boy!!"

Gordon "Smokey" Brown and Barack "Black Cowboy Pothead" Obama joined hands at a press conference, "ciggies" in mouth and announced together, "yet another milestone achieved in the saviour of mankind, secure pension funds for everybody especially those who don't f*****g need them, lung cancer patients, SMOKEY!!!"

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 2?

8 11 5 23

Go to top ^