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Wednesday, 7 July 2004

image for Iyad Allawi to change name to Saddam Hussein
Allawi announces his change of name

US-appointed Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi is to change his name by deed poll to Saddam Hussein, it emerged earlier today.

Having announced earlier in the week that he would be suspending freedom of speech and movement for ordinary Iraqis in order to tackle the insurgency, Allawi says it all became so obvious.

"I realised that, with the new restrictions on freedom, Iraq is now exactly the same as it was under Saddam", he said today. "Obviously, there were more buildings standing in those days, and it was safe to walk the streets at night, but besides those things, we have come to the conclusion that Saddam basically had it right. The Iraqis clearly are not ready yet for freedom, so we have decided to relieve them of it."

The change of name will take place during a ceremony to be held on Friday. Simultaneously, Iraqi and US troops will close all independent media outlets and declare martial law throughout Iraq. Protests will be banned. Membership of trade unions and other undesirable organisations will be suspended. Leaders of such organisations will be tortured to death.

Asked for his comments, President Bush was upbeat. "We realised that Saddam was basically right after all," he said in a White House press conference. "We gave the Iraqis freedom and the ungrateful assholes just kept trying to explodificate our fine soldiers. So no more Mister Nice People."

It is rumoured that Tariq Aziz and other members of Saddam's cabinet will be released and asked to rejoin the government. Saddam himself will be kept in custody for now, but will take on a consultancy role, helping Allawi restore law and order within the country.

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