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Sunday, 7 June 2009

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The long awaited report into the death of a young man at the hands of his elder brother was published today amid claims that the family had been badly let down by welfare services. "Had the authorities acted sooner this young mans death could have been avoided," said the reports author.

Investigators uncovered a catalogue of errors and failings by child protection agencies and a 'devil may care' attitude throughout the entire staff at a managerial level.

Head of Eden County Council's Welfare Services, Mr. Enoch, admitted that the family were known to Social Services, after the theft of an apple some years previously, but he did not consider that grounds to put the children on an 'at risk' register.

The family had no history of violence, in fact, they had no history. The only suspicious death that anyone had ever known up until this time was a snake with an apple rammed up his arse.

He also pointed to heavy workloads and a lack of qualified staff as to how they may have slipped through the net, but during the enquiry, under cross examination, admitted that there were only five people on the Earth at the time.

The inquiry also heard from the victims father, named only as Adam. He said he had never told either of his sons about the dangers of smashing a rock on someones skull. He had never heard of such a thing before and hadn't even gotten around to naming rocks yet. We still knew rocks back then as 'aubergines.' Of course, when we saw the damage they could cause we re-named them rocks.

Mr Enoch pointed out that this happened long before he took over and that his resignation was out of the question.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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