Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

image for Susan Boyle IQ Measured At 1,000,000
Not Crazy, Just Real Smart

London-- Psychiatrists attending to Susan Boyle learned some surprising information after their new patient today. The Scottish songbird was given a battery of standardized tests when she was admitted earlier in the week. The doctors were shocked to learn Susan has an IQ of 1,000,000! She is "simply the smartest person that ever lived", according to the psychiatrists.

The psychiatrists now believe Susan's erratic behaviour was simply a misunderstanding, and she is not mentally ill. Susan was delighted with the news, and she wanted to explain her so-called breakdown to her fans.

"I was just teasing with my antics the other day, please forgive me, everyone!" laughed Susan. "Sometimes my Swiftian sense of humour gets me in a lot of trouble!" she laughed again.

"I wanted to make a sort of Joycean statement about the existential reality of doing a fictional reality show in a non-fictional dadaesque environment. Mythos, pathos, and bathos were my objective. I hope no one was offended or alarmed." she said.

"My last performance was meant to be Wagnerian in its scope, viewed through a Hegelian lens of non-determinism. I think my entire oeuvre is more Arthurian in scope, rather than post-modern in its delivery. Don't you??" she asked.

Doctors believe Susan can be released in a few days. Some of the less educated psychiatrists think she is simply babbling nonsense. They have advised her to never speak in publc again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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