Written by Wire Piddle
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Saturday, 30 May 2009

image for North Korea Sanctions To Be Created By Viewers Of Britain's Got Talent

LONDON, UK - In order to distract the public from the ongoing backlash against Hollie Steel's acceptance to the final of Britain's Got Talent, BGT organizers have set up a side contest asking the British public to send in their recommendations for sanctions against North Korea for conducting nuclear testing.

The winner of this campaign, open to all members of the UK over the age of 7, will be chosen by the BGT judges. Entrants will be judged on their originality, creativity and practicality.

Here are some of the first entries:

"I would ban North Korean tourists from entrance to Euro Disney and Asterix theme parks in France as well as Swiss narrow-guage railways."
Jeremy Hornsworth, 11 - Epping Forest

"Cut off all access to the farmer's market in Milton Keynes."
Helen Parsons, 63 - Okehampton

"Drop a load of drycleaning on the lot of them."
Joan Trilby, 37 - Leighton Buzzard

"Have Michael Palin do a travel documentary on them."
E. Idle, 66 - Palace Theatre, London

"Well, first, I would set up gigantic speakers on the border of North Korea and then play overmodulated, scratched recordings of the band 'Mud' whilst showing the worst FA Cup final - 1963 - Manchester United vs Leicester, rear projected on a gigantic dirty, grimy bed sheet."
Samuel Pollock, 42 - Broughton-in-Furness

"Force them to host the EU commissioners for a month."
Nigel Holdsworth, 71 - Royal Tunbridge Wells

5 winners and their families will get an all-expenses paid one week holiday to Peshawar, Pakistan, where they can partake in local Taliban customs such as stoning, beheading and creating roadside bomb diversions. Nightly drag acts, as well as other cabaret entertainment, will be provided by the hosts in Pakistan, HRH Prince Harry and members of the Household Cavalry Regiment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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