London - (Humunguous Hairy Ass Mess): NATO top brass confirmed everyone's worst suspicions today: lardyarse warbler Susan Boyle is the monster behind North Korea's nuclear missile threats.
Boyle, only daughter of that inimicable cold war tribute act Mr & Mrs Joseph Ratzinger, has upped the Britain's Git Talent ante this week by threatening to nuke South Korea if Shaheen Jafargholi wins next Sunday.
Reports that Boyle, 69, is secretly shackled by a gay civil partnership to North Korean leader Kim Jong Very Ill-Indeed were initially dismissed as pure crap.
But Pyongyang's subterranean pyrotechnics this week and testing of intercontinental missiles may suggest otherwise.
Internet spreadbetting index Aintgottaprayer.con was offering 2/1 odds today about Boyle spontaneously combusting on live TV during Sunday's 'It-Ain't-Iver-'till-the-Fat-Slag-Sings' finale.