Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Ice Cream Van Owners Threatened By Beyonce's Mafia Hoodlums
'If You Liked It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On It...' OH DO FUCK OFF!!!

In the UK it has been revealed that the owners/operators of ice cream vans have reported an eighty percent increase in intimidation and racketeering by mafia hoodlums allegedly on the payroll of American megastar Beyonce Knowles.

It would appear that the hoodlums have been attempting to get the ice cream vendors to play Beyonce's 'Put A Ring On It' over their loudspeakers as they roam Britain's streets peddling their wares.

And threatened to torch their ice cream vans if they don't toe the line. Ice cream vendors were reportedly too scared to speak to the media, but we did manage to speak to a pub landlord, who told us:

"The bloody Beyonce mafia have a finger in every pie these days. I have to play that poxy tune three times an hour in my pub or they've threatened to contaminate my beer. By pissing in it. And I'm by no means an exception to the rule. You can hear bastard Beyonce in shops, hairdressers, supermarkets, elevators and all over local radio. These people are utterly unscrupulous, very dangerous people who have to force people to play this stuff because nobody in their right mind would listen to that shit voluntarily."

In an equally disturbing turn of events, it transpires that Girls Aloud, Lady Gaga, and the Jonas Brothers have also formed musical mafia mobs.

Heaven help us.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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