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Saturday, 16 May 2009

image for Man With Largest Penis Sues Chinese Penis Pump Company Over Malfunction Causing Blowout During Porno Audition!
Man Formerly Known as Having World's Largest Penis Blows his Dick Off/ Blames Faulty Pump!

Frost Proof, Fl,/ Home of the State's Biggest Onions & Juiciest Fruits - Disaster in the Sex Industry today as the Man with the World's Largest Penis suffered a severe set back in his career when his guaranteed 'run flat' penis suffered a blow out during a 5* $25m Porno Extravaganza audition financed with Obama stimulus money.

The man's agent, Buck Wheat, formerly an obscure talent agent from Palm Beach, Fl, also mentioned recently in the Madoff Ponzi Schemes that left many billionaires mere millionaires on chic Worth Avenue, was credited with finding the now infamous Bargis Tyrol (not his real name), working the sugar cane fields of Immokolee, Fl. while servicing the entire female population of the town on Friday nights.

Mr. Wheat, now considered a large "swinging dick" in his own right amongst Hollywood talent agents, said that today's mechanical malfunction was merely a minor set back for Bargis. " Besides," he said, " we've got that thing insured by AIG for 10 times it's worth, and we still have the ability to sue the Chinese for over inflating THEIR claims. At the very least, we should have a new pump here within a few days and it can be installed at any KIA authorized factory dealer within an hour!"

A representative from the Chinese Pump Factory, Hu Nhu, said that the company stood behind their pump 110%, as long as the instruction manual was followed. "The company says very strongly on page 10 of the manual, that it is dangerous to attempt over inflation of the MEMBER. Anything over 190 lbs per square inch could result in a blow out and a loss of dignity to one of our clients. We have made that berry, berry clear!"

A technical Penis assistant for news commentator Chris Matthews did some quick figuring and determined that at the time of the blowout Bargis must have been wielding a love tube containing over 2200lbs of compressed air causing premature piston pump failure.

A stage hand on the set recounted the mind numbing experience. " It sounded like a giant fart!," said Timothy Kneejerk, a wet towel intern, " at first we thought the blow up look alike of Nancy Pelosi had exploded , but then we saw the look on Bargis's face and saw him pull out this deflated, rubbery remnant, and we knew he had really blown his wad!"

Mr. Wheat was non plussed about the situation. "Bargis will be back on top in no time," he bragged, " if not, I can find another one just like him...we grow 'em big back in the Florida swamps!"

Skoob 1999 wasn't so sure and was taking it hard. When last reported, Mrs. Skoob said he had locked himself in his study and was editing his last 200 stories and blaming his "softie" on "mechanical difficulties."

More if Skoob gets it!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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