Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 1 May 2009

image for Assassination attempt on Dutch royal family shocks nobody apart from The Smurfs
Smoking joint thwarts assassination attempt on Dutch Royal Family (who?)

A desperate, pathetic attempt to assassinate the Dutch royal family flopped with impunity on oranjes Koninginnedag (Queens Day, no, no, not that other species "camped" out in gay ol Amsterdam!) in the middle of Appeldorn, Holland (where the fuck is that?). This shock news failed to deter the minute Dutch population from whooping it up further, getting high as kytes and pissed as farts on bottles of advokaat and millions of tins of Heineken on their favourite public holiday.

The Dutch Loony who had been planning this daring attempt since 10 years after training at Al Qaedas death camps, studying thousands of videos of 9/11, visiting London and Madrid for first hand info from Pakistani terrorists who planned the lethal attacks and was sure he'd got his planning perfect.

Before leaving to become the most infamous Dutchman in history since The Smurfs he made two fatal mistakes, went to the local coffee shop (coffee shop in Dutch = Joints where one can freely buy joints and get legally high as the twin towers once were) and got too fucking high.

Mistake 2; Instead of hijacking a KLM aeroplane at knifepoint he took his own knackered SEAT IBIZA (fuck me whatever next!) that had failed it's MOT, had no brakes and steering defaults, whizzed into the oranje (orange) dressed crowd, knocked over a couple of innocent bystanders (moron) catapulted himself into a statue of an ancient mayor of Apeldoorn (where?) and consequently fucked the whole thing up!

The Dutch police questioned the Loony whilst breathing his final dying breath and Jaggedone's CIA (cockroach inflitration Army) rapidly on the job, star Dutch reporter, Johann van de Bloodsucker, caught his final words on tape whilst sucking the stupid bastards greener than green/weed blood: "I only vanted to become famous like Lee Harvey Osvald, but dis is Holland and dings happen much smaller dan in Texas, nobody gives a shit anyvay about de Dutch Royal family, I fucked it big time (he had slipped into an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent by this time), Hasta la vista baby and see you in fucking Amsterdamned."

He died swiftly and the rest of Holland got on with getting thoroughly high and pissed, as for the royals, well who gives a shit or joint anyway!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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