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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

image for Fishy Tales No. 2: Hanshin Tigers atone for Colonel Sanders river atrocity
Randy Bass was named after a highly aroused marine delicacy

Osaka, Japan - (Fishy Finger Ass Mess): A Japanese baseball team's ritual desecration of a Colonel Sanders effigy ended this week with the dredging of Osaka's Dotonbori riverbed and the retrieval of the iconic totem.

The Hanshin Tigers threw the tacky 30ft statue into the river in 1984 because of its resemblance to the team's American star player, the fishily-named Randy Bass.

The entire team then plunged into the river rapids in celebration after finally breaking a losing duck to win the League and Japan Series double.

The Tigers had long been bemused that their top athlete was named after an aroused marine creature.

His physical resemblance to the 'cursed relic of a living god' was just too tempting for the winning players.

However the ritual baptismal plunge however did nothing for the team's luck and they were eventually successfully sued by KFC for gross desecration of a company mascot.

"Personally I always reckoned the statue looked alot more like feckless UK chef Anthony Worrall-Thompson," one major league fan said today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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