Written by IainB
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Topics: Murder, Hackers

Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Justifiable Homicide ruling frees murderer
Kyle Lars in his day job fixing cars

Kyle Lars from Montreal in Canada sighed with relief yesterday when he was told that the charge of first degree murder had been dropped, with the judge claiming it was justifiable homicide.

Lars had driven from his home in Montreal to San Francisco picking up a gun along the way that he used to shoot Barrie Starred eighteen times, stopping to reload twice. Police pathologists had to identify Starred from fingerprints as not even dental records remained.

The prosecution claimed that Lars showed no remorse when police arrived on the scene, handing over the gun and claiming that he was glad he had done it.

On hearing the defence case, the judge sided with Lars and let him walk free from court.

"My client," said public defender Clark Jameson, "not only did nothing wrong, he did the world a favour. Although extreme, Mr Lars was perfectly within his rights to put eighteen bullets in Starred, and anybody in their right mind would have done the same."

Starred, it was revealed, was a hacker who had hacked into Lars's website for homeless chickens and filled it with porn and drug links, and used Lars's account to send trillions of spam emails. Lars had reported Starred to the San Francisco authorities, but because his activities were outside the USA, there was nothing that they would do, so Lars had no recourse but to take matters into his own hands.

Lars himself was unrepentant: "I would do it again in a heartbeat."

He was carried down the court house steps on the crowd's shoulders on revealing this news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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