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Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Consequences for Christie's crucial
Bird's Nest up for auction after Olympics

China has condemned what it calls the illegal auction in Paris of two artefacts taken from a Chinese toilet 150 years ago.

It has also warned Christie's auction house of unspecified consequences, but which could include standing next to a Chinese public urinal in excess of thirty minutes, a feat never before achieved by man.

The strong statement said China did not recognise the 31m euros (£28m, $39m) sale of the bronze left testicles of a rat and rabbit, because a Euro isn't worth anything.

The two items were sold as part of the estate of the late designer Yves St Laurent, who himself had lost his testicles while touring in China, when a stray Chinese-made copy of one of his own handbags had snapped closed while he was using it in the absence of an available WC.

"The State Administration of Cultural Heritage resolutely opposes and condemns all auctions of testicles illegally taken abroad.

Unspecified consequences

"Christie's must take responsibility for the consequences created by this auction," the agency said in a high pitched voice.

"This will have a serious impact on Christie's reproductions in China", which is planning to auction The Bird's Nest Stadium now that the Olympics have finished.

"All factories that copy Yves St Laurent products have been asked to stop work until the Bird's Nest has been sold."

The Chinese people almost rioted outside the French Carrefore outlets last year when Nickerless Teacozy had a meeting with the man who had once nicked Huge Gintonic's parking space, and they are expected to attack everything French next week, including baker's and condom shops, unless the latter agrees to sell Greek letters instead of French ones.

(with apologies to the BBC - didn't know they were officially into spoofing)

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