Written by Adam Click
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Thursday, 15 January 2009

image for Bin Laden Played Like a Bagpipe
Mohammad Hussein, An expert at playing the pipes.

It takes a crew of between six and nine terrorists to make the fragile leader of Al Qaeda "talk". It was related today that Osama Bin Laden can no longer talk on his own. That job is done by terrorists manipulating various parts of his body to make the sound come out. Some push on his chest while others squeeze his esophagus, while still others move his lips to form words. But the most coveted job amongst the terrorists is actually supplying the air that makes it all work.

"First you form a fist with your left hand and ram it up his ass to your elbow. This keeps the air from escaping. Then you form a ring with the thumb and index finger of your right hand and place it around his penis and squeeze. Next you manipulate the organ itself with your mouth." explained Mohammad Hussein."At first you'll hear a high pitched squeal and then, when he emits a deep moaning sound, they start pumping his chest."

"Of course, he's so fragile that we couldn't practice on him for very long, so we practice on each other." added Hussein Mohammad. "Some times for hours on end!"

The job is so popular that when Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad saw the crew in action, he insisted on trying it himself. "It's not as easy as you would think.", the dictator is quoted as saying, "but when you do it right it's really quite rewarding. and Osama even keeps moaning for several minutes after you stop!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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