Written by IainB
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Topics: Internet, Santa

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

image for Santamazon.web
Actionman Naturist - available soon.

A full two decades after the invention of the internet, Father Christmas is to set up a web site based on the world wide present ordering service: Amazon.

"I got the idea while looking for presents," said Santa. "We'd laid off several million elves, and needed to get the present stock up, when I stumbled upon Amazon. It was fantastic. All those presents, and they come gift wrapped and get delivered for you."

Santa employed North Pole Web Design, a Surrey based technology firm, to design santamazon.web along similar principles.

"It's very similar to Amazon," Santa continued, "There's various categories of presents in electronics, wood, board games, books, and the like. On the order form, you have to indicate whether you've been naughty or nice. If you don't click 'nice' then the presents are just not delivered. It's saved me a fortune."

Further savings have been made by the cash strapped anthropomorphic personification of the Winter Solstice by doing away with his usual delivery service of eight reindeer and replacing it with the Home Delivery Network.

"I've set up depots in Milton Keynes, Dublin and Milan and HDN pick up the ordered goods and take them to the right home. Most of the time. We have had a few teething problems."

Teething problems like the Bacon Bagel Gift Set delivered to a Jewish family, and a How to Ride a Horse DVD sent to a wheelchair-bound girl, who still has not stopped crying.

"I expect it will all come right on the night," Santa concluded. "Reindeer sandwich?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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