Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: vomit

Saturday, 6 December 2008

image for First World Projectile Vomiting Championships to be Launched
NOT SUITABLE!

A new sport has been created that could take the world by surprise. It was 'invented' by Wilfred Retch of Shrewsbury who had, along with his brother Richard, been to see his grandfather at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital earlier last year. On their way home, they each bought a Kebab from Greasy Ted's Diner in the town and by the time he had walked home he began they both began to feel a bit 'queasy' [sic].

As they walked past the garages, the griping pains in Wilfred's stomach became too much and he became nauseous until a Vesuvius of Vomit exploded from his mouth and it hit the garage door from a good six feet away. His brother, Richard, immediately followed suit a good three feet behind him. The green and brown liquid hit the garage with such force that it actually put a dent in the metal up-and-over door.

That gave Wilfred the idea of seeing who could puke the furthest and closest to a target. Still feeling bad, Wilfred stood twelve feet away and still managed to hit the door. He then challenged Richard to "beat that!" His brother managed to hurl a further foot away.

Reminiscent of the schoolboy game of who could pee the highest, Projectile Vomiting was born.

However the sport needed to be perfected and the brother's spent months developing the game. First, they tried using a dartboard as a target but discovered that the residue from their stomach's contents became trapped behind the wires and after a while, the targets began to pong of puke. They finally agreed that a straw-backed archery target was best and they attached little scoops to catch the dripping drool. They then experimented on the best food to throw-up. They tried Kebabs, prawns, raw eggs, Witchety Grubs and octopus but there would always be either chunks of carrot or tomato in it, but at least it would identify the source.

Mr Retch told In Seine News that the very first World Projectile Vomiting Championships are due to take place in Telford on Boxing Day, with several countries taking part, although no African Countries will be competing with the exception of Robert Mugababy who will be representing Zimbabwe.

Doesn't it make you sick?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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