In 1912, the Titanic struck and iceberg on the ship's maiden voyage and sank, causing the deaths of over 1000 people. Historians, working with a team of divers, have discovered that the ship did not strike just "any old iceberg." Instead, the liner ran into Hillary Clinton, ripping a huge gash in the side of the ship and driving it to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
When asked how it was possible that the ship struck a woman 35 years before she was born, Doctor Eugene Stringer of Vermont State University said that "we don't think the date of her birth matters that much. Hillary is the true ice queen. The phrase colder than a witch's tit actually is a unit of measurement derived from her temperature. We can imagine what Bill went through if she ever tried to put her feet on him at night. No wonder he turned to Monica."