Written by shea lo
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Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Heather Mills rushes to Guy Ritchie's side!  Offered top role in his latest pic; says: "I'm ready to comfort and help him in any way I can" - Macca-Madonna absolutely livid!

Saying she 'completely understands' what Guy is going through, a mini-skirted Heather Mills rushed to his side to lend him a shoulder to cry on.

"I know what it's like to be unfairly called a gold-digger; used like an old rag and then tossed aside", said a beaming Heather as she cuddled a not-so-overwrought Guy. "I've also had lots of experience with that ghastly, beastly Fiona Shackleton and I'm ready to help Guy take her and that piece of gristle Madonna all the way to the bank"

Shackleton represented both Prince Charles and Macca in their ugly divorces and will now represent Madonna.

In the midst of her divorce from Paul McCartney, Mills had appeared on the Larry King show and said: "There's this nasty woman - Fiona Shackleton. She wants to drag it out as long as possible to fill her pockets and she's said some pretty mean things when ?I was in a wheelchair."

Mills said she and Ritchie are now ready for payback time and plan to make Madonna's life as miserable as possible. In the meantime the Mills-Ritchie duo has been sighted in all the major London hotspots dancing the night away. Heather has also won herself a top role in Guy's latest movie.

An angry Madonna told reporters: "He couldn't make time for me but he sure seems to be enjoying that one-legged gold-digger's company".

For his part, Guy is reported to have said: "She may be one-legged but she's a helluva lot softer and sexier to cuddle than that no-talent, dried-out old piece of gristle".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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