Written by Angus McFiddle
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Monday, 20 October 2008

image for Moses made up commandments, says archeologist
A portion of the tablet, saying "thou shalt not vote for Gordon Brown"

The ten commandments were faked by Moses, according to an archeologist who has discovered evidence to back up his claim.

Moses was one of the most important people in the Bible, who was personally presented with two stone tablets, on which were engraved the ten commandments of God. So the story goes.

However, Sir Steve Dore, the British archeologist digging near the red sea has discovered several stone tablets that look like earlier versions of the commandments.

"Moses claimed God gave him the commandments, but there were no witnesses to prove this," said Mr Dore.

"We've found stone tablets a few thousand years old that contain what appear to be first drafts. If the commandments were from God, then there would be no need to have drafts."

The five stone tablets contain commandments such as "Thou shalt not shit on your neighbour's breakfast" and "Thou shalt not sleep with Rachel of Bethlehem because she has the clap".

Scholars who have studied the stone tablets believe they were Moses' attempt to create his own laws and pass them off as God's law.

"He probably realised he couldn't carry seven tablets down the mountain alone so he left these five behind," said Mr Dore.

If Moses had managed to carry the tablets down the mountain, the bible would now also contain commandments making it illegal to have sex with a chicken, take photos up the skirt of a virgin or to look at a prostitute naked if it was a Sabbath.

Christian scholars have tried to rubbish the discovery as a fake, fearing a loss of faith in biblical teachings.

"The commandments are very important and must be upheld at all times," said a catholic priest as he was leaving his girlfriend's flat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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