Today President George W Bush had this to say about the financial crisis caused by Iceland's banking failures:
'My fellow Scandinarians, Iceland's banks will need all our assisters and support, it is our duty to help the globule economicity function without in any way supporting socialistism. Let us hope Americans will find it in their hearts to dig deep into their pocklets to help the Icelandian's peoples, as long as that doesn't mean my picket', and a translator in Reyjavik's radio station asked his manager if there was anyone in the studio who understood Mojave Indian.
Pausing briefly to choke on a rollmop herring sandwich, he continued: 'So, my fellow Americalians, the task is a bold one and - hey, Condi! looking cute, baby! nice ass! - the tusk is a gold one, and one that we must face with our faces turned to the west, to the ancient kingdom of Iceberia. Heck, why ain't there any ice in mah Jack Daniels, dad?'
Wall Street instantly saw President Bush's comments as proof of either (a) a return to interventional economics at a global level, (b) a worldwide downturn in supply across the Western world, or (c) evidence of George W Bush being a moron. John McCain said: 'I reckon it's (d).'
Shares in autocue manufacturers fell to a new low today after the President's speech.