(Chicago) Lawyers for Barack Obama have filed a lawsuit in a US Court alleging Republican Presidential nominee John McCain breached US and international copyright laws by using the word "change". Obama's lawyers described the alleged violations by McCain as "grievous" and they are seeking 300 million dollars in general damages as well as punitive damages.
McCain's first use of the word "change" in the presidential campaign came as a brazen challenge to Obama's cultlike mantra, stunning the Democrats who remain transfixed in frustration over the Republicans continued use of the "change" word. It was revealed that Obama initially reacted by threatening to "change" his entire campaign slogan, but the unanticipated costs of such "change" were considered ambiguous and too vague to quantify. With no precedent at hand, the chief strategist to Obama, David Axelrod reported, "the costs in "changing" all the placards, advertisements, stationary and "thought terminating clichés" of Obama followers were seen as just too great and thus we canned the new slogan idea".
The issue was eventually resolved at the instigation of Senator Joe Biden who recommended Obama "get tough" with the Republicans and thus a lawsuit was filed in the US District Court in Chicago on 25 September 2008. Biden was unavailable for comment but David Axelrod stated, "We went and got the best ambulance chacers in Chicago that money can buy".
The lawyer heading the case is George Galland who responded by telephone stating, "We are accusing McCain and the Republican Party of knowingly breaching copyright and we have irrefutable proof of McCain using the word "change" in a public speech." Insiders at the Democratic party hinted this evidence is actual video footage of McCain speaking the word "change" at the Republican National Convention in August.
Little details of the case were available though the presiding Judge Hon. Eugene Luther expressed reservations about McCain getting a fair trial due to pre-trial media coverage. The judge warned of "unscrupulous liberal bias perpetrated by literary thugs who are capable of committing the vilest acts of distortion even beyond those of sleazy Chicago lawyers."
Hence, the front page of the New York Times described the lawsuit as a "courageous action" and called for "McCain to be brought to The Hague for war crimes". Likewise in the world of "pulp" daytime television, Oprah Winfrey decried the "audacity of McCain" and repeatedly screamed "outrage" live on set, causing her obtrusive wig to discharge itself from it's proper location.
Lawyers for the Republicans were tight lipped but stated they were prepared to challenge the lawsuit on grounds the case is "frivolous, vexatious and without substance".
Confronted by a barrage of reporters outside the Chicago District Court, Democratic PR consultant Paul Himmel tried to whisk Obama into a waiting limo. Obama insisted however, on speaking to the crowd declaring, "McCain had no right to steal the word from me. Everybody knows that "change" belongs to me and me alone. I am the one!"
District Court Judge Eugene Luther scheduled the next hearing for early October 2008.
To be continued
The Scorpion - reporting from Chicago