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Monday, 15 September 2008

image for Russian Commander Threatens Destruction Of American Fast Food Establishments

The commander of Russia's strategic missile forces has repeated warnings that Russian ballistic rockets could be aimed at various fast food establishments such as McDonalds and KFC, in response to American utterings of missile bases in Poland and Czechoslovakia.

Col. Gen. Nikolai Solovtsov spoke a day after touring a missile base in Teikovo.

"I must stress that the deployment of strategic missiles within the vicinity of our hemisphere will be interpreted as a direct threat to our nation.

"In reposonse to such actions, I have little choice but to order the immediate destruction of the heart of America - the fast food market."

The execution of such threats by the Russian commander would surely cripple the United States economy, 30% of which is made up by the sale of popular fast-food brands.

Speaking at a press conference in Washington on Wednesday was defence secretary Robert Gates.

"The plan to station weapons in Poland and Czecholovakia is designed to maintain peace, not to disrupt it.

"Fast-food has played an important role in the relentless approach of keeping America fat and stupid, and so we must negotiate a way to pursue the deployment without disrupting the status quo".

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Tomorrow: 'Bill Oddie Spit-Roasted by Amazonian Tribe'

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