Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Monday, 18 August 2008

Beijing, China - In a written complaint to the International Olympic Committee (IOC), members of the female Georgian Olympic athletic team accused a Russian contingent of all male Olympic athletes of showing up unannounced and uninvited at their dormitory doorstep and that they have not left since.

According to the complaint, a week or so ago the Georgian girls were throwing an innocent board game party of "Risk" with their fellow male Georgian teammates from the breakaway provinces of South Ossetia and Abkhazia of Georgia when the Russians suddenly showed up, crashing the private affair.

"That's simply not true," said a Russian athlete. "They invited us over one night for a few shots of Vodka and a game of 'Russian Roulette'. Before you knew it, the Georgian girls asked us to spend the night and begged us to stay the weekend with them. We've been staying with them ever since."

The female Georgian athletes, however, consistently maintain that the male Russian athletes forced their way into their dormitory and chased away their male Georgian Olympic guests that they were entertaining that evening before the intrusion.

"All a pack of lies," said the male Russian athlete. "Their boyfriends told us that they didn't like girls and that they wanted to go back to their dormitories to make love with their months like the French. We merely stayed to keep those beautiful Georgian girls company at the request their homosexual boyfriends so they could make out with each other back at their rooms, while we made out with their women."

The Georgian girls pleaded with the Russians to leave but they refused to go, continued the complaint.

It was only after other international residents (France and then the United States) at the Olympic Village became involved, threatening to evict the Russians by force, if necessary, if they did not leave on their own accord, read the complaint.

"But that was several days ago, and the Russians are still there," wrote one of the female Georgian Olympians.

Members of the IOC refused to comment on the matter, as it is their policy not to release a statement during an ongoing investigation.

Meanwhile, the Russian insist that they will not stay where they are not wanted.

"It will take us time to pack up our things," said a Russian athlete. "We have to sort out our CDs, DVDs and determine who gets what photographs. After all, we wouldn't want to be accused of taking something that's not ours."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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