Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Iraq, Bombs

Wednesday, 19 May 2004

image for US To Annihilate Iraq
Bombardier Bush Speaking to Reporters in Qatar

(Doha, Qatar) Announcing that Iraq is a complete mess despite all his administration has done for it, President Bush said that the US will solve the problem once and for all later today by dropping over 100 hydrogen bombs on Iraq.

Dressed in a flight suit and standing before an enlarged photo of a hydrogen bomb explosion Bush said, "My daddy dropped bombs on the Japs when they were our enemy, and now I am headed to Iraq to drop bombs on our present day enemies. The Joint Chiefs feel that 100 hydrogen bombs should do the job, but if not, we have more where they came from. We are going to try and not hit Syria or Iran, but I cannot promise we won't have collateral damage in that direction. It's our time to bring it on and see how they like it."

The President would be the first standing US President ever to fight in a war. Asked what his role would be, President Bush said, "I am not qualified to fly a B-52, but I can be a bombardier. I can look out the bottom of the plane and drop a bomb. It might not land exactly where I meant, but we'll just fly to the middle of the country and let it go. It might miss by a few miles but that won't make that much difference."

The President announced that all US forces were being withdrawn as he spoke and that the other countries in the region have been forewarned, "Uhhh . . . like right now." The president smiled and continued, "But if I were downwind, I'd get my camel into the tent."

This time of the year the prevailing winds blow from the Mediterranean inland, thus any fallout should descend on Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Iran. If the winds are strong or if the fallout rises into the jet stream the danger could easily spread to Afghanistan, Pakistan and even India.

Israel's ambassador to the US said Israel would stand with the US but would not take an active role in the bombing. Kuwait's ambassador was out of Washington and the embassy had no comment, while the Pakistani ambassador only inquired, "What?"

This attack, the first with nuclear weapons since 1945, represents a break in the US policy toward Iraq and the Middle East as a whole. Unlikely to win friends in the region the new policy apparently assumes that the dead make the best friends a powerful country can have.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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