Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Toilet, Toilet Paper

Tuesday, 18 May 2004

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Don't Waste, Reuse

The International Association of Recyclers announced today that after extensive testing they were now going to endorse the recycling of toilet paper. President of IAOR, David Crumbelt made the announcement.

"For too long we have all been using toilet paper and throwing it away. Not only is this wasteful, it borders on the criminal. Toilet paper, and other waste paper of this sort, has been fouling our rivers, septic tanks and landfills for far too long.

Toilet paper has two sides and we at The International Association of Recyclers encourage everyone to see both sides of the issue, that is, use both sides of the tissue. Use it, turn it over and use it again!

Does it matter whether you let it dry out before using it again? Of course not! The goal is to double the life of toilet paper - or looked at another way, cut the use of toilet paper in half! Each case of toilet paper requires that a beautiful tree die. Imagine, the average person can save seven trees a year, just by reusing, recycling.

If you multiply those seven trees by the population of the United States you save over two billion trees a year! Enough to cover Oregon in trees every year; just from toilet paper recycling."

Asked whether he thought this was a realizable goal Crumbelt replied that he saw no reason that Americans could not meet the challenge of the future. "Americans understand, people all over the world understand. There are some societies where they do not even use toilet paper at all! We should all emulate those cultures. The world is too wonderful to make a mess of it with toilet paper."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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