The older generation, victimised for years, have taken matters concerning youth crime into their own hands by doling out their own brand of punishment. In several cases, youths have been clubbed with walking sticks and beaten with zimmerframes.
Spokesperson of this bizarre new group of tyrannical pensioners, Cryril Rose, had this to say: "Too long have old people been ignored by the public and too long have the police ignored us but those days are no more.
"Since our organisation was founed by Mr Drew Peacock, numbers of youth crime is falling dramatically due to the beatings they've been receiving.
"There is nothing wrong with a bit of corporal punishment and it's just what the doctor ordered for the younger generation.
"Here at ASBO (Association of new Soceity for Beatings from OAP'S) we will go against the law and teach these attention seeking kids a lesson!"