Written by GadflyBill
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Topics: Polls

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

Today the Philippines have nine presidents. Five actually ran for the presidency on 10 May, but following the conclusion of the epic, the exit polls indicated there were suddenly nine viable contenders. This news stunned the already shocked and dumbfounded COMELEC (Commission on Electricity) who are charged with overseeing elections when there is sufficient electricity to engage in switching ballots and ballot boxes for days on end.

COMELEC Chair Ben Abolos (father of Ben Hur Abolos) was quoted by a drunken bystander as saying "In another 25 or so days we will have weeded out the imposters and have five viable presidents-elect". This news thrilled and excited the masses who had threatened to sink several of the major islands unless the riddle of 11 May we solved in short order.

President Macapagal-Arroyo, speaking on state run television, revealed she had a dream for the future of the country if only she could remember salient portions of that dream which have vanished. Movie actor/Candidate Fernando Poe, Jr., actually Ronnie Allen Poe, snarled at the 2 surviving correspondents covering his inane campaign and threatened them with bodily harm as if he was still on screen. The other candidates have all departed for foreign shores and were incommunicado.

The question now being posed:- Can the Philippines survive with a mere five presidents at the helm, or will all nine currently in the race, all of a sudden, be far better for the nation. Stay tuned in for the June report when the light at the end of the tunnel will have been extinguished.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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