Written by victor nicholas
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Topics: Language

Friday, 16 May 2008

image for Britain to Export Adjectives to the United States

British Minister of State for Trade, Investment and Foreign Affairs Ian McCartney announced that Britain has begun exporting adjectives to the United States.

"This is really a case of supply and demand. The United States has an excess of pronouns such as I, me, you and them but a severe shortage of all adjectives of any sort. Any Brit going abroad has been aware of this for years. Yanks fall all over us and say they love our accent when really it's a cry of help due to their poor elementary school system resulting in abysmal vocabularies bereft of descriptive adjectives suitable for use in different social occasions."

Most requested for export is the adjective "fantastic" which has been successfully marketed using the spokesperson Keira Knightly. I an amusing anecdote the first shipment of 10,000 gross was returned upon receipt as the first "a" was alleged to be missing. The misunderstanding was quickly corrected by British officials who noted that the shipment was sent phonetically to allow Americans to easily impress their friends with bang-on Keira Knightly Brit-speak descriptions of otherwise boring everyday situations.

Americans say this is just another case in a long line of useless goods being sent to the US by Britain starting with glass beads, smallpox, slave traders and most recently Simon Cowell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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