New York, New York - Oil commodity speculators were a little too successful today, as they finally pushed the price of crude oil futures to an all-time high and beyond the trading point of no return. Meaning that the precious black gold is now so expensive, the net profit margin so razor thin, that investors can no longer recoup the initial investment it takes to extract it out of the ground, halting its transportation to the local refinery for processing and then forestalling its delivery to neighborhood gas stations because it is no longer profitable.
"Economically speaking all the experts agree. Its an impossibility, flying in the face of rational thought since the Greeks and going contrary to every known modern economic principle taught since Adam Smith wrote, 'Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations' back in 1776," said a Wall Street analyst, while calmly holding a gun to his temple. "Subsequently more commonly referred as 'The Wealth of Nations' after 1778."
However, some economists see the silver lining in the looming dark clouds on the horizon. They believe that the good news is that oil speculators have finally proven the much debated and once thought fabled existence of Adam Smith's "invisible hand," which guided individual labors to the common good; ironically by their succeeding in severing it.
"By all accounts this should not be happening," said Frank Gonzalez, Professor of Economics from the comfort of the faculty bunker on the campus of the Cassandra Institute of Foresight. "The only plausible explanation I can offer up -- as insane as it sounds -- but somewhere along the line of pushing a barrel of oil up so high is that we managed to cut off Adam Smith's "invisible hand" he wrote about. Who knew the old coot was right. And on the money too! To think that all this time I thought he rotted his brains out with cheep Scotch, syphilis and too much snuff. Oh well, I have to go now, they're starting to pass out the Kool-Aid...Ooh, its my favorite flavor too, Raspberry Red."
Operational costs directly associated with drilling, refining and transportation of the finished product for delivery to the market for consumption were carelessly the ones only being considered. Profit driven oil speculation has finally taken its collective toll on all of Western Civilization, say the remaining number of surviving economist, while standing in queue on the Brooklyn Bridge waiting for an opening to jump to their death.
"No matter what they get for a barrel of oil now," said Arthur Greenback, while dangling his feet from the Brooklyn Bridge. "It just isn't enough to off set the hidden costs like maintaining repairs to an infrastructure built on inexpensive fuel costs of decades past. The wheels of industry will come to a grinding halt because we can't afford the cost to replace them. Chaos madness will soon follow Chicken Little was right: the sky is faalllliiinnngggggg!!!"