Written by The Chris Graham
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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

image for Biologist Discovers God While Researching in Antarctica
Emperor penguin

It is the universal question that we all ask ourselves at some point in our life: What does God look like? Nobody has been able to offer up any reasonable answers to that question until now.

Dr. Ronald Reingold, a Jew with a Ph.D. in biology and a B.A. in money-saving, has asked himself this question since he was very young.

"I've always known there had to be a God," he says, "but I just couldn't fathom what He must look like. I've been wondering since I was probably eight or nine. I figured he must have a physical body in order to have made physical things, but that's as close as I got."

In the early winter of 2007, Dr. Reingold set off on a solo mission to Antarctica to study the tallest species of penguins, the Emperor Penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri).

"That's right," he says.

After living among the penguins--the stars of the documentary March of the Penguins--for only a week, Dr. Reingold was feeling ready to pack things up.

"[The penguins] were acting as if they ruled the place, like they were the most important things on Earth," the doctor says. "I guess that's what Hollywood does to some people. Look at Lindsay Lohan and Gollum, for example."

But that's when the revelation hit him.

"But that's when the revelation hit me," he says. "I had been studying the penguins for seven days already, and it was only then that I made my realization: not only can penguins not fly, but they are the only birds that look as though they are wearing tuxedos. It was so obvious, I couldn't believe it took me that long to figure it out: God is a penguin."

When asked, "What about ostriches? They're flightless birds too," Dr. Reingold had this to say:

"Yeah, but they don't count."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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